7/14/2011

Butterfly Season

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To a Special Man

There was once a boy who was really good at lightening moods and making people laugh. He wasn't the most handsome nor the loudest. He just had this manner in the way he smiled that would intrigue us to the point where we just had to ask him,"_____, what are you smiling about?!" & the personality he held when he would express the things only he seemingly saw. All the kids in the class loved being in his presence and there wasn't anything he couldn't brighten-except maybe a lightbulb.

Late one evening I approached him at his favorite swings in the neighborhood park, after everything had really become everything and it wasn't what anyone wanted.
We sat quietly for a moment and the butterflies didn't fly.
"You always cheered me up, why won't you do it right now?!"

He looked at me with bright but forlorn eyes and the smile that no longer held the magic to make the saddest laugh.
"As much as I'd like to, sometimes... you just need to feel the pain."

& for the rest of the night he silently kept me company.

Confessions (1)

7/13/2011

J.R.K.

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10 years gone, 10 years strong-


-even without a word spoken between us.
Like anyone else who doesn't have enough heart to hold all the pains, I'm tired of crying.
&& I can't help missing her.

Confessions (0)

7/12/2011

At A Loss

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These words that I speak... I could never say them with my mouth.

And even then I cannot discern if they are really mine or if I'm only reciting from someone I've heard once or twice before-somewhere I don't quite remember yet seems like a place I've lingered in. How do I know when I'm really being me or when I'm acting with or without the values I'm supposed to have yet who are they to say I'm supposed to really have them or not?

The words in The Bible... they're all truth, are they not? && if one thing is perceived to be wrong, then it would make sense that anything else spoken by it to be fallacious. So which would it be, all truth or should it ought to be considered a false that we that have been following it to be all just a bunch of fools? For something put at this high regard can't possibly be a Book with tidbits of fictitious letters with marks of sincerity. It is meant to be a Book of love!
My faith, my faith why have you forsaken me? Yet still have me bound to your will, tearing my soul to shreds and torturing my thoughts when I dare to think.

And YOU. Are YOU really reading this?
Because I can't be sure I'm the one writing it.

Confessions (0)

6/28/2011

Myna

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Have you ever been to the beach at night? The waves rolling towards the shore seem to glow against the darkness of the ocean and one would seem to see things moving between. I got the chance to a few days ago & while looking into the night sky I saw the clouds pretending to be nebulas and the stars pretending to be stars. I never had the feeling of being this small and alone in my life.

Having that special person by your side in the morning and early afternoon and to walk down the same beach at night by yourself is something near to heart break. The emptiness consuming your vulnerability in the vast space is terrifying and the yearn for the one who's not with you is overwhelming. Something like that isn't a feeling I would want to experience again.

How should I say this?
You're more important to me than what the both of us could recognize.

Confessions (1)

6/26/2011

Falling Stars

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They fall like dead men from the sky,

impaling the air with flames, ice and leftover breaths.
Their bodies collide with the ground in a blistering eruption we can't quite fathom no matter how many times we see it. Standing-as that's all they're capable of now that they have no more wings-up, their silhouette marks strange in the smoke and sizzling terrain. Sick and tired, they jumped from the roof top of the world. They refuse to put up with the dreams anymore.

Do the stars above mean anything to you? Do you realize that every night it gets darker when they're not there?

The children, like myself, who watch them from their bedrooms make sport of their decent and fabricate wishes on their glimmering figures.

All we're really doing is catching bullets with our teeth.

Confessions (1)

6/11/2011

This World

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I've been shown the world is actually the lungs of nature.
During the day it inhales-the sunlight, the colors exploited by imaginations and most importantly what we leave for it. During the night it exhales-the darkness, the existence it upholds strenuously and most importantly prepares the necessities for the ones that kill it the most.

I've been given the world I don't deserve.
I have the opportunities I don't take and food I like. I possess items that often get put up in a shelf in my closet never thought of again and a number of clothes to choose from with a variety of styles and hues. I live with a family I can eat dinner with and hold, I am shown and given love daily; something not everyone can say for themselves.

I've been taught the world is comprised of light and dark things.
When it rains there are clouds that smother what the sky could have been but there is the rain that reflects your eyes and the lightening that illuminates our souls. When the sun is bathing, she blazes everything and anything her locks of hair falls upon, but where there is the light there is a shadow as consequence just as monumental. When we are hurting we strive for darkness, to be hidden away and unnoticeable, but only a fraction of us are able to realize that what we really wanted was to be in a light so bright you can't even see the tears.

There are things I'm unable to appreciate enough, so please.
Appreciate them with me and breathe.

Confessions (1)

6/02/2011

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones

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I don't understand how words can sting so much

when they can't even touch you.

Confessions (0)

6/01/2011

Two Pains

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There are two pains among two people. Each has their own and I wonder which do you hold?


Although you can't hurt the way I do, you won't hurt the way I do; no matter how hard you try...
There's nothing you can do about it, because we're not the same person. You'll end up hurting less or more, more physically or more emotionally.

But which is worse?
The feeling where you can't sympathize entirely, can't fully understand the torment they sustain-physically there but emotionally unable to reach the consciousness they're trapped in?
Or
The feeling of a pain only you can feel, solitary and not utterly cut off from others but still at an unreachable distance enough to make a difference?

The helpful that's quite helpless & the one who's hurting a hurt only they can feel.
Which one are you and which one am I?

Confessions (0)

5/19/2011

Paper Walls

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These paper walls so thin, so fragile.


Ignited, incinerated. So gentle so beautiful & destructively elegant. Infernos pirouette all around us grasping at the pieces until all it seems to be are hallucinations.
The light reflects from our eyes as we watch them burn down; ash like snow.
I'm not afraid with his breath hushed next to my ear, his warmth greater than the blazes flickering at our feet. The beating of his heart-more soothing than any drug.

These paper walls so thin, so fragile.
I don't need them when all I need is you.

Confessions (0)

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