I want you to know there's a place between your nose and chin that a lot of people call a smile and I'm sure I'm not speaking for myself when I tell you that I'd like to see it over and over again. Sometimes you give in, but there were moments when you'd tell me it wasn't worth the pain and it would make me bite my lip 'til it bled.

"Why do you keep doing it?" you'd ask in silence. Most of the time I'd just shrug or pretend I didn't hear you. Its because I didn't know either. But I have an answer now and I want you to know before you swallow.

Its not something worth running away from.
Its not something for me to run away from.
Most of all, not you either.

Experiencing what you are now isn't because of unluckiness or a curse. It's just an inconvenience we have to overcome.

If you just hold my hand, everything will get better.




Is it weird that I read what you wrote the minute after you posted it up? The timing seems unreal.

I'm not sure if you'll see this, since you're not coming here anymore. I'm not even sure if what you mean is that we shouldn't talk anymore. Was I left behind this whole time after you left everything else for the better life? I was wanting to text you today and finally have a real conversation, but I'm scared now. Why am I scared?

However... this post isn't to speak on that. Its to thank you.

Thank you for the patience-you dealt with my sluggish pace even though your life is like an open high way.
Thank you for the effort-put into me, your words, your actions.
Thank you for the guidance-the advice, the things that helped myself shape and define my own even more.
But thank you the most for the time-something that can't be changed or returned after it is used. Nearly two years and here we are now.

I'm truly glad that you are happier; life is going up.
Even if it is without me.


Before I Forget


I had a dream last night.

Like how most dreams turn out after you wake up, I don't remember the details or much of the surroundings. But I can remember a gist of what was happening.
I was semi-omniscient on the events in this dream and I shifted between the two main individuals in turn. They were good friends, possibly even lovers the boy and the girl. They were participating in this days long race; to where I wasn't sure. The two of them had passed preliminaries together and had promised each other that they would get through it together and their hopes were high. However, somewhere along the competition, the man ended up leaving the girl to go on ahead.

I remember, his running shoes were yellow.

He got further and further ahead without even a look back. The girl continued onwards as well, and she kept trying... trying so hard to catch up so they could finish this together. Eventually, reaching the end of the race wasn't what she was straining and destroying her body for. It became the man who had left her behind. All she wanted was to be at his side again and she cursed herself for being so weak-so slow. She didn't give up and I commend her for it. But what of the promise that continued to abrade every step he took away from her?

He finished the race alone, quite very alone. Did he feel pride in himself for doing so well? Was he proud of his strength and his stamina? What of the girl, did he think of her struggling days behind him or did he keep his sight forwards? His shoes were all but worn away, torn and beyond repair---just like that promise to make it to the finish. Together or never.

I had this dream last night and it broke my heart.


I Won't Tell A Soul


There's a cliff nearby where I live that overlooks the lake. The entrance is chained off and an invisible path leads further in past the arms of trees. It was the first time I saw someone there other than myself but I wasn't surprised. It was as if the girl was waiting for me. I didn't recognize her, but there are many things I don't recognize.

She had been crying, the tears dried by the wind on her flushed cheeks. Her eyes, however, were empty and hollow, her lips cracked and pressed closed tightly. I was tempted to whisper in her ear:
"Don't hold your breath, you'll miss the air."

But I held back as she exhaled delicately and drew in a stream of life like she knew what was dancing on my tongue. Instead, we sat there with our sides pressed against one another as we faced the bitter weather from both sides and looked out on infinity blue.

This? Why this is the loneliness of two.