Confessions of a 5'1"

When I first arrived on this world it hurt, yet by some means I felt happy. And you... You wanted it all. You wanted the world.

Free my senses, I want to breathe raw air.

Its really true isn't it?

We're somehow living through today,

But do it with your own standards, not mine.

I'm going to keep this short for my sake.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm going to tell you this for our sake.

I love you...

But don't be afraid to break my heart if thats what we both need.

The subtle murmurs of liquid, the endeavors of technology to count time. A bird, thats not a bird, in the Eastern part of my mind so it can be the first to proclaim when the sun, thats not a sun but actually the process of thought, ascends. The sigh of shreds of a hurricane as it blindly explores wherever it can reach.

This is the sound I hear.

The bionic energy in the form of lights that glow because that is all it is capable of. A wisp filled with innumerable slivers of glitter that represent the strain, peace and cyborg emotions surrounding me. The life & death of imperceptible beings, creatures and objects containing more worth than I could ever imagine.

This is the air I breathe.

The streams skillful in suffocation and charm; a vicious expertise indeed. A cup containing a drop of everything humanity is missing yet the stars embrace each other with. The vigor that we all require in order for the mechanics of our anatomy to function with or without complications.

This is the water I drink.

If you would just close your eyes,

I guess this is us, here for each other.

But with you over there and me watching you from afar with lips that can't seem to smile.

I don't know about you but I don't feel it anymore, that bond that we used to have. The one that kept you up to 3 AM just because I couldn't sleep. The same one that drove us to want to talk for hours and hours... when you had time for me.

I think you feel it too, the small empty space in your heart. At least, for a little while until you began to fill it with other things in your life. Mine's still here though and its pretty damn cold when the air blows through it.

I had the dropping feeling since the first time you didn't keep up with me anymore. The kind that makes your stomach knot and churn. I'd always get that tiny bit of hope that you would again, like you said. But I think it was only to protect myself from getting hurt all at once. I've been quiet for a while now and maybe I'm ready to admit we aren't close anymore.

I suppose its my fault for this outcome. For being too meek, too timid. For waiting. I remember when you apologized to me those times and I'd tell you that some things can't wait but I could. I was wrong, I shouldn't have waited or been scared to open up again. I should have fought for our friendship, for something so priceless. I read something on a blog a while ago and it made me go into tears. The ones you told me to call you whenever they came but I haven't. "When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises."

I'm going to leave soon. Not only because of this throb but also because I'm tired of being pressured and guilted while I wait for you.

And when I do leave, I have a feeling you'll let me simple as that.

When I laugh, I want to hear yours too.

There's nothing like sharing a language anyone can understand.

When I hug, I want to be hugged back.

There's nothing like the safety of being in someone's arms.

When I cry, I want your shirt to soak up my tears.

There's nothing like the instantaneous comfort as you open up freely.

When I'm this alone, I want your companionship.

There's nothing like recognizing a friend in times of need.

When all has been given out I presume its reasonable to feel empty.

There's nothing...

But something tells me thats not how things are supposed to be.