Confessions of a 5'1"

6/28/2011

Myna

Have you ever been to the beach at night? The waves rolling towards the shore seem to glow against the darkness of the ocean and one would seem to see things moving between. I got the chance to a few days ago & while looking into the night sky I saw the clouds pretending to be nebulas and the stars pretending to be stars. I never had the feeling of being this small and alone in my life.

Having that special person by your side in the morning and early afternoon and to walk down the same beach at night by yourself is something near to heart break. The emptiness consuming your vulnerability in the vast space is terrifying and the yearn for the one who's not with you is overwhelming. Something like that isn't a feeling I would want to experience again.

How should I say this?

You're more important to me than what the both of us could recognize.

Confessions (1)

6/26/2011

Falling Stars

They fall like dead men from the sky,

impaling the air with flames, ice and leftover breaths.

Their bodies collide with the ground in a blistering eruption we can't quite fathom no matter how many times we see it. Standing-as that's all they're capable of now that they have no more wings-up, their silhouette marks strange in the smoke and sizzling terrain. Sick and tired, they jumped from the roof top of the world. They refuse to put up with the dreams anymore.

Do the stars above mean anything to you? Do you realize that every night it gets darker when they're not there?

The children, like myself, who watch them from their bedrooms make sport of their decent and fabricate wishes on their glimmering figures.

All we're really doing is catching bullets with our teeth.

Confessions (1)

6/11/2011

This World

I've been shown the world is actually the lungs of nature.

During the day it inhales-the sunlight, the colors exploited by imaginations and most importantly what we leave for it. During the night it exhales-the darkness, the existence it upholds strenuously and most importantly prepares the necessities for the ones that kill it the most.

I've been given the world I don't deserve.

I have the opportunities I don't take and food I like. I possess items that often get put up in a shelf in my closet never thought of again and a number of clothes to choose from with a variety of styles and hues. I live with a family I can eat dinner with and hold, I am shown and given love daily; something not everyone can say for themselves.

I've been taught the world is comprised of light and dark things.

When it rains there are clouds that smother what the sky could have been but there is the rain that reflects your eyes and the lightening that illuminates our souls. When the sun is bathing, she blazes everything and anything her locks of hair falls upon, but where there is the light there is a shadow as consequence just as monumental. When we are hurting we strive for darkness, to be hidden away and unnoticeable, but only a fraction of us are able to realize that what we really wanted was to be in a light so bright you can't even see the tears.

There are things I'm unable to appreciate enough, so please.

Appreciate them with me and breathe.

Confessions (1)

6/02/2011

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones

I don't understand how words can sting so much

when they can't even touch you.

Confessions (0)

6/01/2011

Two Pains

There are two pains among two people. Each has their own and I wonder which do you hold?

Although you can't hurt the way I do, you won't hurt the way I do; no matter how hard you try...

There's nothing you can do about it, because we're not the same person. You'll end up hurting less or more, more physically or more emotionally.

But which is worse?

The feeling where you can't sympathize entirely, can't fully understand the torment they sustain-physically there but emotionally unable to reach the consciousness they're trapped in?

The feeling of a pain only you can feel, solitary and not utterly cut off from others but still at an unreachable distance enough to make a difference?

The helpful that's quite helpless & the one who's hurting a hurt only they can feel.

Which one are you and which one am I?

Confessions (0)

5/19/2011

Paper Walls

These paper walls so thin, so fragile.

Ignited, incinerated. So gentle so beautiful & destructively elegant. Infernos pirouette all around us grasping at the pieces until all it seems to be are hallucinations.

The light reflects from our eyes as we watch them burn down; ash like snow.

I'm not afraid with his breath hushed next to my ear, his warmth greater than the blazes flickering at our feet. The beating of his heart-more soothing than any drug.

These paper walls so thin, so fragile.

I don't need them when all I need is you.

Confessions (0)

5/13/2011

Here's The Real One, Maximus

There's only so much I can do for you, the rest is determined by yourself only. Your pain is too much for me to comprehend though it brings me to tears as well.

I'm no good with talking or giving advice and I figure you already know that. I never was as clever as you. The way you speak and recount your stories...

You understand a lot and you know this, but in all honesty you don't.

Even you know this isn't fair. The way you used to be happy and now you've forgotten.

This is all I can give to you.

"Life is beautiful. Everyone's life is beautiful. You should try sticking around some, you'll see."
You told me that one night--& I finally understand.

Your life is beautiful. You should try sticking around some, you'll see.

I'm telling you that now. Have you ever seen it when the sun's rays hits it in just the right angles? Or if there is no sun, the way it glows under the moonlight and the stars? Even if there is no moon or stars, have you seen the luminescence around it? Around you...?

Happiness is closer than you can imagine.

Confessions (0)

5/08/2011

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

It fell today.

That mirror my mother put on the wall.

I need to learn to let go of material possessions but seeing the little box that was underneath the mirror splintered across my bedroom floor shattered bits of my heart too.

It honestly had no monetary value, incomparable to the mirror. It was a gift from someone whom I can't even recall. The shards and pieces I gathered into a pile together were more than just fragments of wood it felt like I was trying to hold on. But to what?

In the end I turned the mirror over and examined for damage. I didn't find any parts of the frame or mirror broken but I did find something in my reflection that was.

Confessions (0)

4/03/2011